How Can You Deal With Bullies in a Healthy Way?
You can deal with bullies by staying calm, protecting your safety, seeking support from trusted adults or friends, and responding with confidence rather than fear. While you can’t always control a bully’s behavior, you can control how you respond, build resilience, and take steps to protect your mental health and well-being.
What Is Bullying?
Bullying is repeated behavior meant to hurt, intimidate, or control someone. It usually involves a power imbalance — social, physical, or positional — that makes the target feel vulnerable.
The U.S. government’s StopBullying.gov describes bullying as unwanted aggressive behavior involving a real or perceived power imbalance that is repeated or has the potential to be repeated.
What Are the Different Types of Bullying?
Bullying takes different forms. Verbal bullying includes teasing, name-calling, insults, or threats. Social bullying harms relationships through exclusion, rumors, or public embarrassment. Physical bullying involves hitting, pushing, or damaging belongings. Digital bullying uses texts, social media, or online platforms to harass or humiliate someone.
How Does Bullying Affect Mental Health?
Ongoing bullying can affect mental health and confidence. Anxiety may cause constant worry and tension. Depression can bring sadness, irritability, and loss of interest. Social withdrawal may lead to isolation.
Bullying can occur at school, work, home, or online, affecting both children and adults, so recognizing its impact early is essential for building resilience.
How Can You Handle a Bully?
Dealing with a bully can be stressful and upsetting, but there are practical steps you can take to protect yourself and build confidence. The following strategies can help you respond to bullying, find support, and handle difficult situations more safely.
1. Show that you have confidence: Believe in yourself and display confidence when dealing with conflict, as bullies often target people who seem unsure. Activities like martial arts can help build confidence, resilience, and practical self-defense skills while also giving a sense of achievement.
2. Make eye contact: Strong eye contact signals confidence and awareness. When you look someone in the eye, you communicate self-assurance and presence — qualities that make you a less appealing target.
3. Take care of yourself: Focus on your health and well-being by doing things that make you feel good and boost your confidence. Engage in hobbies or activities that bring you joy and help you build positive, supportive relationships.
4. Stand up for yourself: Stand your ground when dealing with conflict from others. Make eye contact, stand up straight with your head high, speak in a strong voice, and wear clothes that show that you are confident in yourself. It’s not about how strong you are, but rather the willingness to show others that you won’t be taken advantage of.
5. There is safety in numbers: A bully will tend to go after someone who is alone. A bully will be less likely to bother you if they know that you have a group of people that will back you up. Having acquaintances can go a long way in preventing someone from bothering you.
6. Find others who share your interests: You can always make friends at a youth group, book club, or social organization. Learn a new sport, join a team, or take up a new hobby such as chess, art, or music. Volunteering is a great way to feel better about yourself and expand your social network.
You may also find these practical tips for managing stress in college helpful for coping with academic pressure and other challenges students face.
7. Control your emotional response: Try not to let the bully see that they are getting to you. Bullies feed on attention, so showing fear, frustration, or anger can encourage them to continue. Stay calm, ignore their attempts to upset you, and focus on keeping control of the situation. Often, if they don’t get the reaction they want, they will move on.
8. Talk to the person: If it feels safe, calmly ask the person if something you did upset them and apologize if needed. Stay polite, keep your emotions in check, and focus on solutions. This can sometimes lead to understanding or reconciliation. If it feels unsafe, don’t handle it alone—get help from a trusted adult.
9. Tell a trusted adult: Adults in positions of authority, like parents, teachers, your boss, or coaches, often can deal with bullying without the bully ever learning how they found out about it. Write down what happened, when it happened, and who was involved. If the bullying is online, keep the evidence — save or copy any photos, videos, texts, e-mails, or posts.
10. Forgive, but don’t carry the burden: Try not to carry the burden of anger, hurt, or pain with you. That will only give more power to the bullies and encourage them to do even more. Forgive them for their hurtful comments but choose not to carry the weight of it with you. Fight the effects of bullying with extra-strong doses of self-love.
Where Can You Get Help for Bullying?
If you’re being bullied, reaching out reduces stress and strengthens resilience. Talk to a parent, teacher, coach, or school counselor. Stay connected to friends who support you and do not participate in bullying.
You may also consider speaking with a mental health professional. A counselor can provide personalized coping strategies and guidance to help you manage the situation and protect your well-being.
How Can You Deal With Cyberbullying?
Being targeted online can feel relentless—mean comments, rumors, or messages can reach you anytime. Notice your stress without judgment and take a small step to regain control: save evidence of harmful messages, block or mute the bully, and reach out to a trusted adult or counselor. Use grounding techniques—like deep breathing or a brief walk—before responding. Over time, these deliberate actions reduce fear, protect your mental health, and help you navigate online spaces safely.
How Can You Handle Verbal Bullying at School or Work?
Facing a bully can make your heart race and your thoughts spiral: “What if I say the wrong thing?” That reaction is normal. Acknowledge it without letting it control you.
Focus on what you can control. Stand tall. Maintain steady eye contact. Speak calmly and briefly. Position yourself near supportive peers or coworkers when possible.
Reflect afterward. Did you respond intentionally? Did you stay composed? Each controlled response weakens fear and strengthens confidence for the future.
My Personal Experience
I have lived with fear and anxiety for more than 20 years, and I have learned that dealing with intimidating or difficult people can create fear and stress. In my experience, focusing on what I can control helps me manage these situations.
For example, at my last job, I sometimes had problems with coworkers. Certain things they said or did frustrated me, and I found myself spending too much time thinking about these situations. Over time, I learned that I did not have to react immediately when someone upset me. Instead, I could take a step back and consider how to respond.
I learned that I could not control other people’s behavior, but I could control my own reactions. Focusing on my responses rather than their actions helped me handle these challenges more effectively.
